Wednesday, November 29, 2017

My Life Today...

Tonight as I sit here in the bed watching TV with my husband I think back over the past year.  A year that has completely flown by.  From moving in together, getting engaged, then getting married.  Now we are settled into this new life that is as close to perfect as we can make each day.   How do I feel?  Well, happy.  Here I am 45 years old and for the first time in my life I can say I am absolutely happy.  And not only that but I am content.  I know without a doubt that this life we are making together is going to be full of all sorts of adventures and journeys.  I have wondered many times why I could not have met this amazing man years ago and saved myself so many years of unhappiness.  But the truth of the matter is, I had to go thru the things that I have in life to bring me to this point in life to find him.  If I had not have gone thru all these things I would not be able to love and be loved. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am loved unconditionally and without any restraints.  And that is not something I can say I have ever know.  Other than the love that my grandparents gave to me.  This brings me to my grandparents.  I have really been missing them so much lately.  I know they will forever be with me, but to see my grandmother one more time and to just  feel her hand in mine is something that I feel I will long for forever.  My grandparents taught me so many valuable lessons in life.  And to be honest this is the first year since the passing of my grandmother two years ago that my life has been calm.  I think that is why I have so many emotions this holiday season.  The last two years of her life were so full of daily tasks to do with her and for her then when she passed I feel that I was lost and did not know truly what to do with myself.  I started to work full time and finally gained the strength to leave a marriage of 21 years that was far from good.  Then thru the divorce process and after my ex husband seemed to do everything and anything he could to make me miserable.  Then starting to see a new man, falling in love, the moving in together, engagement, and then the leading up to the wedding all happened in a span of  a year.  Now as I stated, things are calm.  They are amazing.  They are good.  I know without a shadow of a doubt that my grandparents would be so happy for me and they would be glad that the happiness that I now have has at long last came to me.  I just really wish they could have met Clayton and his family.  I know they would have loved them and gotten along great with them.  But life will go on with them in my heart and memory, and my life will be filled with happiness and so many great memories as me and Clayton grow old together.  So to tell how my life is today, well, its almost perfect and that in itself is something that I never really thought could exist. 

Thursday, January 5, 2017

Setting it straight....

So, this being the first of January I have been asked so many times over the past months what the story really was.  So, well, I will tell it all here.  Many will say why did she post this type of post anyways, well, to answer that, because I am tired of the story being one sided and tired of all the lies. 

July 26, my ex husband finally moved out of the home we had rented.
July 29, I filed my divorce papers with the lawyer.
Last week of September started seeing boyfriend. 
Oct 1, made it official with my boyfriend.
Oct.  25 the divorce was final. 

Now there are the dates, lets get a few things correct, I until the end of September never dated or saw anyone else, I had been totally faithful in that marriage.  A marriage that was a week shy of being 21 years.  A marriage in which the last time I was told I love you was at the alter, and later the same night told he did not love me.  For 21 years I was told I was a leech, a mooch, undeserving, and never loved.  I was a stay at home mom for many years and homeschooled our girls.   And yet, was considered a leech and mooch, really???? 

Yet when I filed for divorce, I was called a whore, a tramp, an adultrus, and many more things.  I kept my mouth shut until now.  I am done trying to hide what has  been said and done to me.   I did nothing wrong in finding another man who actually loves me and I love him.  I tried for 21 years and it did not work.  So for those of you who want to cast stones and say crap.  Get the facts straight.   Realize the source of the comments and negativity.   When have you seen ever on my face book pages any negative remarks about my ex husband.  You have not nor will you.  And this post is not a slam at him, it is to set the record straight and get a few things out that need to be said. 

Several have just wondered what happened, said we seemed so happy.  We hid things really well.  I am no angel and do not profess to be, but will not allow all the blame to fall on me.  I should have filed for divorce years ago.  What all happened in our home is and was our business, but if a wife up and leaves after 21 years and there IS NOT another man in the picture then there is a serious problem in the marriage,   

So this all being said, stop the judging, stop the ridiculous comments, stop the judge mental attitudes, just stop and let my household be happy.   If people and recently my family had tried to talk to me about what was going on they would still be in my life, yet they fell for a story that was so made up out of fantasy that it was laughable by many.  And sadly, by believing in that story do not have me as a family member any longer.  But now I can say I belong to a real family, one who accepts me no matter what and there on no conditions on my acceptance.  I am free, happy, and loved. 

So, here is to 2017 and making it the best year yet.